last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
