I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
