420 ftw
Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
