If that was your dad, he is hot
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
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