I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
