They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Randomize
