Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Randomize
