There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
