I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
