Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
