I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
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