I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
The air taste purple.
Randomize