Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
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