I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Randomize
