halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Randomize
