So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
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