What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
