But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Randomize
