she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
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