i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Randomize
