We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
Dignity is for republicans.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Lo siento on account of my penis...
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize