Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Randomize
