It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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