I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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