I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Randomize
