the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
I am one with the molecules
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
