You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Randomize
