I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize
