Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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