help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Randomize
