who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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