we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Randomize
