Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
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