We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
Someone shattered a urinal.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize