You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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