last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Randomize
