Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Randomize