it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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