How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
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