Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
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