I just saw a hot homeless man
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Randomize
