I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Randomize
