Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
