I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Randomize
