remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
