Nicole vs. Life
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
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