o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Randomize