so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
