I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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