made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
