im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Randomize
