...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Randomize
