i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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