Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
