on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
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