Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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