you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Randomize
