Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
