Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
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