what if every blade of grass was a penis?
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
