: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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