Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
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