It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Randomize
