I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
