How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
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