Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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