Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
