I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
