I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
