Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
