Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
i think i just lost a toe
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize