i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
