Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
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