I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
Pappa wants mamma naked
I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
