My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
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