he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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