Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
Randomize
