OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Randomize
