Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Randomize
