i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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