I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize
