Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
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