he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
