just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Randomize
