Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
