God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Randomize
