no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize