If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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