I want to stick my p in your. b.
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
