listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
is wine microwaveable?
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
