I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Randomize
