my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Randomize
