There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
somebody snuck up and got me drunk
She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
My balls are so social today.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Randomize
