we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
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