The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
I think people are normalizing furries
Randomize
