evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Randomize
