you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
