he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Randomize
