omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Randomize
