found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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