i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Found the puke drawer
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Randomize
